Both people and organisations struggle to change. Change is hard for everyone, whether one person or a whole organisation.
My individual clients sit in the therapy room with me. New ways of looking at and being with the world can be daunting. Like trying to write with your non-dominant hand. Do clients practice their new-found insights outside of the therapy room? I sense that most don’t. Or they practice and then feel overcome by discomfort. It’s the hard work of therapy where the whole world becomes a therapeutic space. Some clients try to find an easy, practical answer in our therapy room. One magic insight that solves their problems. Yet rewiring one’s parasympathetic nervous system takes time and work. Shaping the circuitry of one’s neural pathways and thoughts does, too. As does influencing one’s family or work dynamic.
Speaking of work, organisational clients struggle to change too. I reject the idea that “70% of changes fail”. This idea sells consulting projects yet lacks empirical evidence. Projects introducing organisational change drag on. Key people get bogged down in needless complexity. This bogging down often masks a fear. Fear of making the wrong call; fear of condemnation from peers.
Both kinds of clients invest good money and time. Business cases get signed off in organisations. Project teams form. Team members on a change project get down to the business at hand. This commitment is akin to an individual client walking into the therapy room. Their behaviours don’t lie. Both organisations and individuals make a start towards change.
Yet why don’t they change?
Indeed. Individual clients might not gel with the therapist. They may find telling a stranger rather personal stuff too confronting. They might see therapy as a space to vent yet not take accountability. Their issues are thorny and complicated and may need a different approach. For some, medication is a better approach. Others may need a community of multi-disciplinary professionals. Some clients grapple with the sheer complexity of their issues. Others don’t like the ongoing work — and discomfort — of therapy. While some clients palm off most of the heavy lifting to the therapist. The therapist may care more about the client’s progress than the client sometimes. Yet some clients sit with the longer-term work, and through difficulty they flourish.
So too with organisations. A sponsor doesn’t commit, or is absentee. Project leaders change their mind, chasing useless goals and needless agendas. The project team doesn’t gel, especially in larger transformations. The subject matter expert overanalyses details and focusses on the wrong issues. Apathy from stakeholders slows progress and momentum. The new way of working is fraught with obstacles. Vendors supporting the project disappoint. Funding gets cut. Project team members worry more about job security than project outcomes. Project churn and discontent disorient meaningful progress.
Both individual and organisational clients may like and appreciate you. You may enjoy a simpatico. Yet little or no progress happens. You shift gears or aim to direct attention towards accountability. Your attempts meet veiled derision, a litany of excuses or are outright ignored.
What happens to YOU when your client does not change?
Apathy sets in. I find that it’s easy to start feeling burned out. “Why do I need to bother?”
Christine Maslach and Susan Jackson view three symptoms of burnout. First emotional exhaustion. This one sneaks up on me — I want to withdraw from people and sleep much more. The lemonade that lost its fizz, I try to find the right mindset to combat an exhausted feeling.
The second is depersonalisation (feeling low empathy towards others in an occupational setting). Again, I withdraw from others. Holding space and being there for others when your cup is empty is hard. Now, it’s time for me to take a break from work for a couple of days. It’s a luxury not everyone can afford. Yet diminished empathy towards others is a significant marker of burnout to me. If I can’t take a break, I seek other projects or challenges to focus on. I liken these other activities to someone trying to keep plates spinning on poles. There are quite a few plates to keep spinning in most people’s lives. So what other plates can you spin instead?
Third, reduced feelings of work-related personal accomplishment. Yep, I feel like an ineffective therapist or organisational change manager. Compliments from others don’t land. Getting through work I used to enjoy is like trudging in sand uphill.
Rigid and even angry feelings may surface. It’s easier to resent your client when you feel stuck and unable to influence progress. Less experienced change agents might feel panic. The blame game may even start in some instances.
How do you remain balanced?
What helpful mental models and mindsets can you adopt?
Patience — an obvious virtue — builds long-term thinking.
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.
―Maya Angelou
The gift of disappointment and delay helps you and I. Yes, we learn patience. Yet the delayed gift feels even better when you get there. Are you trying way too hard? Sometimes the client needs time to ferment ideas before you may both move ahead.
People are messy.
“Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.”
— Gautam Buddha
Emotions precede logic. Yes, we all would like to appear logical. Yet emotions drive decisions. Imagine if we had no emotion? People would be in endless paralysis, aiming for an optimal decision. It’s a surge of emotion that pushes us to act. It may be one emotion or a confluence of them. Individual clients experience ambivalence. We strive to elicit their thoughts on whether to adopt a new way of living life. Organisational clients appear to be on board. Yet small signs (and sometimes not-so-small delays) speak otherwise. We strive to elicit views on what’s holding up introducing a new way of working. Yet primary emotions like fear may be in the way. Organisations may cite political reasons for stalled change. Yet could someone’s feelings about an organisational change make a difference? These feelings are contagious.
Control. I ain’t got any.
I can’t control much around me. I can influence favourable conditions to help people change. I can prepare creative and analytical bespoke change deliverables. I can walk my collaborators through simple yet effective plans. Stakeholder engagement, training and creative communications are other things I can provide. Evidence-based therapy, counselling microskills and playful yet respectful curiosity for individual clients.
But it’s up to my client to do the heavy lifting. I am disappointed when my client doesn’t. Yet I’m still there for them. Could the delayed gift feel even better when it materialises?
Just as a solid rock is not shaken by the storm, even so, the wise are not affected by praise or blame. — Buddha
I like this quote as it reflects the Buddhist concept of equanimity. Equanimity helps you and I stay balanced and unshaken by external events. It’s a vital mindset when dealing with the ups and downs of change.
Time and tide
Ocean currents and the winds above the sea change. Nature has plans, and we learn to blend with this far more powerful force. Nature brings us a sense of awe. We are tiny and insignificant. Our sense of control has to diminish in the face of nature. Why not bring this awe to our work with people?
Timing, client emotions and the right resources foster change. We can ask pointy questions to learn and elicit client emotions. We can help untangle client feelings and thoughts, underscoring their ambivalence. We can hold space while clients arrive at their own conclusions. Yet it’s not us that changes. It’s them — when they are ready.
Delays and disappointments serve as a great teacher for us.
Want to learn more about organisational change? Check out my book The Change Manager’s Companion. It’s available now. You can also enjoy my online course on Change Management. I’m also about to publish my second book — Remarkable Organisational Change Communications. Here’s an article to give you a flavour. Publication date? Early 2024.