Ever feel like you *just* survived a tricky stakeholder meeting?
It was time. I gathered my iPad and a small collection of notes and looked up at my colleague.
My colleague looked a little apprehensive but appeared to be upbeat and a little jovial about the challenge ahead. After all, he was our Project Manager and was responsible for delivering our tricky project.
We were about to go into the lion’s den… and we both knew it. Time to face the fury of a couple of very tricky stakeholders.
Why was our project so tricky? Well, try taking toys away from a toddler. Let’s assume the toy we were quietly trying to remove was their favourite toy. The part of our organisation we were now working with had been spoiled over the years. This small group protected their patch and also brought prestige to our organisation. After being an enabler for bad behaviour, a change was in the wings.
Our organisation was now trying to take things away from this small cluster. We had rolled out this change to most of the organisation. Our progress had been swift and sound. We chose to work on the last bastions of our organisation only after succeeding with earlier implementations. This team was one of the final groups that resisted the change until now.
You could cut the tension with a knife. We headed down to the meeting room, and I quietly practised diaphragmatic breathing, taking in the fresh air as we walked outside on the way to the meeting room. I used this opportunity to centre myself. I could feel my breathing high up in my chest and wanted to focus on a more centred and balanced way of breathing.
I also took note of the tension in my shoulders and relaxed a little. My Project Manager’s jovial perspective was contagious. Before long, I was cracking jokes too, all the while thinking how good it will be to get through this meeting relatively unscathed.
A mindfulness acronym came to mind: SIFT. Sensations, Images, Feelings and Thoughts. Seconds later, I am truly in the moment. I can feel the air over my face. The images from my colleague’s jokes — and I’m glad he is here with me. The feeling of anxiety starting to ebb; resolve replacing everything. My thoughts concentrating on my mindfulness practice and how well we will do in the face of this challenge.
We enter the building. The receptionist looks frosty and cordial in her demeanour. We were told to wait; that was exactly what we did. In what seemed to be eons, the receptionist ushers us into the room where our stakeholders sat. These stakeholders were heavyweights in our organisation. Lengthy tenure and connections both way up high and to unions. The conversation we were about to have could either result in explosions if we made a step in the wrong direction. At best, our meeting would hold the explosions at bay for just a little longer. I started to feel like a kid in an adult’s clothing.
Let the game begin
I felt my apprehension building. So I paid attention to something else: diaphragmatic breathing. Breathing in deeply, I felt my stomach expand and imagined the tie I wore that day also expanding with my belly. OK, ready to go.
The meeting began. My colleague was used to calling a spade a spade. Yet also could be incredibly diplomatic when the moment called for it. As Project Manager, he went straight into the bad news and played the bad cop with his unique blend of tact and straight talk about the change. There was no beating around the bush. The stakeholders knew that their toys were being taken away. They didn’t speak up about this, and so I went into coaching mode. Well, as good as a nervous kid in adult’s clothing could play a coach.
At this very moment, the floodgates opened. I felt terrified yet curious about the intensity of emotions from across the table. Yet this intense emotion was balanced with cordiality: civilised warfare. After realising I was focused on their emotions, I quickly distracted myself. I asked how they regarded the issues and concerns from my colleague’s statement. Then wrote down their comments. Keeping my eyes on my notes, I remembered to calm myself down. Slow, deep breaths. After calming myself through writing, I sought to identify the root cause of their fears to see what we can do to allay their concerns, find workarounds or take their criticism on the chin.
I would tentatively ask what each of their issues meant practically and noted whatever constructive actions we could take. As I had gone into the meeting in a fairly calm and balanced state of mind, I found it easier to absorb our stakeholder’s indignation. These stakeholders were people you would not say no to, and they had built enormous respect and autonomy in the organisation.
We had a reasonable time allocated to the meeting. This time was valuable as I wanted to get to the bottom of each concern and make sure that each stakeholder finished this meeting feeling well and truly heard. After playing the bad cop, my PM took a backseat while I played the good cop. I didn’t promise anything during this meeting as this would significantly impact our project resources, and I didn’t want to overcommit. This meeting became an opportunity for stakeholders to share their pain instead.
I reflected on how ready each stakeholder seem to be based on the comments during the meeting. This reflection gave rise to another question: What would need to be in place if you were to feel a little more ready? This coaching question helped elicit more ideas and a slightly more constructive viewpoint than merely sharing pain with our project team.
By venting their spleen, each stakeholder eventually grew tired. From there, I reflected on the topics we had discussed and tentatively suggested small helpful actions we could take. These options help shape our change plan to make it as tailored as possible to each stakeholder’s needs and help give them a greater sense of control over proceedings.
Lessons learned
Coaching methods used on projects can help get your project team out of sticky stakeholder situations like this. If I were to do it again, I would spend even more time getting into the most relaxed, resourceful state of mind. This preparation would also include more mindfulness. Mindfulness helps me become attuned to slight changes in someone’s face and body language when an idea was put to them. This attunement would also help me see who looked at who in the meeting to help me size up the collective response to our team taking away their toys.
The use of coaching questions helped draw out people’s pain points. I would reflect these pain points in a tentative and respectful way. My next set of coaching questions would help everyone focus on small potential solutions. These questions were subtle ways to shift the dial that little bit. From thinking about problems and risks towards everyone thinking about a more successful change.
Follow up
As it turned out, this meeting was the start of our team successfully leading the small group in question towards a reluctant acceptance of the change. But it wasn’t all sweetness and light. While we did deliver on our side of the bargain, their hesitations and several delays led to our project budget’s overrun. I remember seeing the PM apologising to the stakeholders for the budget overrun even though it wasn’t our fault. The biggest lesson learned: prepare for a marathon, not a sprint. The twists and turns we faced extended our project’s duration and at times tested our mettle.
Still, deliberate effort to achieve a state of calm before that first engagement made a profound difference. This calm resulted in an open mind. One that moved away from fighting and towards a better way: curiosity, checking in and seeking practical steps towards resolution.
Not to mention a Project Manager with a sense of humour and the foresight to play good cop / bad cop to help us bring around some tricky stakeholders! While we took away their toys (in their mind), I hope they have reaped the benefit of our change.
My book — The Change Manager’s Companion — is available now. You can also check out my online course on Change Management.