How embracing playfulness shifts perspectives and fosters change via coaching or therapy.
Playfulness, curiosity, intellect and experience. Think about the last time you made a significant change in your life. It might not have been a drastic change. But, it may have changed how you see the world or handle challenging situations. What was the catalyst that made you change? Was it reasoning? Unlikely? Was it a particular circumstance that happened out of the blue? It could be wise advice from someone you respect. Or was it a saying you found unexpectedly resonant? Perhaps things hit a low point in your life. You decided to change, and that’s okay. So, how does this relate to playfulness? It’s hard to make a change if you work purely in the intellectual realm with your clients. Using solid, rational reasoning will not help drive change. It may be for some clients. Clients may also benefit from a coach or psychologist’s curiosity. The answers to this curiosity help focus the client’s attention on the predicament and see it in a new light. Playfulness. It will also guide the client to think differently and more resourcefully. Both coaching and therapy can bring laughter and lightness to the room. While laughter and lightness are not the main cures, they can help. They shift a client’s perspective on the world.
Too much intellect, not enough feeling? Think about the game of chess. You can enjoy a great game of chess online. Or, play it on a board game with someone you know well. This experience will be quite cerebral. It will be so if your opponent focuses on the board and doesn’t bring any lightness or laughter. And this is okay. Think about it when you visit a big park. You see a life-size chessboard with life-size pieces. You must walk across and pick up a piece to play. This is a novel, experiential way to enjoy the game. The first game we discussed was quite cerebral. The second is a physical experience. You must pick up huge pieces with both hands and place them a few steps away. Then, step back to see the board, not just the pieces beside you.
Where are the strengths and virtues here? So, how do we move our clients from this cerebral to a more fun, lighter and experiential state? Here, we can add some laughter and lightness. We can also focus on the client’s strengths and virtues. We have tools like the Values in Action survey. They help to highlight the client’s strengths. We categorise these strengths into six virtues. We do this by reflecting on the client’s life story. From a coaching or psychological viewpoint, we use their strengths. This can lighten the mood. A cheeky sense of humour can introduce laughter at the right times in coaching and therapy.
Yes, there might be some dark humour. This is especially true if the client starts a humorous discussion. If they are upset, moving around can help them. And upset might be a strong emotion. Then, guilt or shame might follow. Having them stand up and breathe slowly can break this cycle.
Intellectual conversations. Clients with a cerebral bent can be great collaborators. They study any resources you share. They keep an intellectual edge. Yet there can be a point where there is too much intellectual presence in clients — and not enough feeling. Coaching clients may go in circles. They may avoid the action plan, which is key to our work. Therapeutic clients may want to rationalise their distress. They might argue that specific interventions won’t work or critique our assessments. But the actual feeling of feelings isn’t always there. We should try something else. Let’s not push clients to feel uncomfortable emotions or to stop their comforting, intellectual talks. We can encourage a sense of lightness. This might lead them to energising emotions. These could help them confront more complex emotions and situations.
Intentional attention shift. So, we must deliberate how and where to direct our client’s attention. It is not about gaslighting our clients or getting them to focus only on the positive. It intentionally shifts the client’s focus to a more positive place. Sometimes, we use chair work to shift our clients’ thinking. We want to move them from the cerebral to more experiential exercises. Some clients might balk at this role-play. Yet, a blank chair can help. Have the client speak to an imaginary person in it. This can shift their perspective. It moves them from an intellectual space to a more awkward, experiential one.
Off-balance as a catalyst for change. Humour operates in the same sort of way. We laugh out loud because we realise something unexpected. It throws us off balance. That’s why humour makes us laugh. If we analyse what makes a joke funny, it loses its power. That’s the problem with the intellect. It’ll remove the fun or the learning from anything. It applies to experiences that change our worldview. Yet, when something surprises us, change may then happen. Our clients are savvy. But their intellect won’t defend against feeling. They must also be open to experiences that might unbalance them. These may be awkward, but they could lead to growth and new insights. It takes trust from the client’s view. It’s not for the faint of heart, for any coach or psychologist. Still, we can start with playfulness and curiosity. It can help our clients who feel stuck to overcome their challenges. These challenges brought them to coaching or therapy.
This playfulness, especially with laughter in the room, might help. It may give them the space to understand their problem better.