Matthew Jackson’s honest account of wanting to leave clinical practice in a Mental Work podcast episode reveals a taboo behind coaching and psychology practice. It also shows that radical self-preservation is the highest ethical act. This view breaks the false divide between ‘selfishness’ and professional integrity. It frees practitioners from cycles of burnout.

“Looking after you” can make some coaches and psychologists uneasy. It’s as sensitive as the word “selfish,” especially if aimed at them. A lot of people will see a judgment in the word selfish. But is that really the case? As psychologists and coaches, we have an ethical imperative to look out for ourselves. Self-care. It’s very important.

Family deaths or major upheavals can hurt your ability to practice psychology or coaching. I would look to your ethical guidelines, based on your profession, and follow them. You may have a substance addiction that is out of control. It affects your ability to connect with clients and provide a professional service. Please, be the first to raise your hand and leave the game to address this issue.

I listen to the Mental Work podcast and find the topics sometimes touch on the taboo. Dr. Bronwyn Milkins runs this podcast, and I appreciate her initiative and drive. She is a young lion in the psychology profession—a leader taking our profession to new heights.

Her podcast played a role in my final-year internship and my growth as an early-career psychologist. Matthew Jackson often appears on this podcast. I appreciated his honest admission that he wanted to leave the profession.

Matthew Jackson’s raw account of considering leaving clinical practice on Mental Work reveals a challenging truth. Ethical self-care sometimes requires the ‘selfish’ courage to step away from our work. This is not a failure. It is professional integrity in action. Reframe self-preservation as an act of service (to both oneself and future clients). This reframe changes our thinking from ‘selfishness’ and ‘failure’ to ‘selflessness’ and ‘responsibility’. I hope this helps you if you are navigating burnout and any sense of stigma from this challenge.

Showing up as our best selves is our responsibility to our clients. I don’t mean a fake, bouncy type of toxic positivity. Calm, alert and focused — yes. I admit, some days I am feeling dusty from a bad night’s sleep. I may feel upset in a session by something a client said. This ‘upset’ may be from a boundary violation by my client. I also have to be honest — it could be a ‘me’ problem too. I have a particular stance and have lost my non-judgmental way.

But if I can fix my mistakes and apologise, it will show my client a humble, collaborative style. As for self-care, we must realise it isn’t bubble baths, occasional walks, or a bit of meditation. We must watch our energy levels, both physical and emotional. We need to check our stamina and stress levels. High stress can make us irritable. In a space where we can listen at length, we may also need to check our mental energy. We must feel sharp when analysing the client’s case and applying coaching models to it.

Are we reacting rather than responding? Can we take a moment to reflect on the client’s presentation? It includes what they are saying, doing, and feeling. We should consider what might be keeping them stuck, which may be unknown to them. Lastly, our spiritual energy. I’m not very religious, but I notice that spending time in nature makes me feel calmer and better than before.

I enjoy studying martial arts. It might be part of spiritual energy. The client may present a certain way. That gives you a certain energy. Then you respond in a certain way. That gives the client a certain energy. And you understand that energy works within a system. In a good mood, we give out positive vibes. That brings out the best in others, creating a virtuous circle. Similarly, when we’re not in a great mood, the cycle is more vicious and can perpetuate.

But we must also ground ourselves spiritually. We should rise above our ego and see the bigger picture. Our ability to do this and to be in a good mood speaks to a level of spiritual energy. As coaches or psychologists, we must be aware of this. I like the four pillars of energy from The Power of Full Engagement, an excellent book on sports psychology.

You don’t often hear psychologists use the word spirituality. But I think these four energy pillars work together. Checking each pillar on a regular basis can help you calibrate your energy. This will help you bring your best to your clients. How do I audit my energy? I quickly look through the four and am pretty honest about where each is. Now I might not be able to do a lot about it on the day.

If I sleep poorly, I can do little at once. I can do sensible things to help me wake up — like eat an apple, drink water, stretch, and pace myself. I’ll also realise, if I’m a bit glassy-eyed, I might need to share that with a client. That way, if they see my eyes, they’ll know why. It’s not their predicament or presence that bores me. It’s the other levels of energy. I’ll do a frank appraisal. Then, I’ll aim to build those pillars of energy.

I might do this a couple of times a week, and I find that when I’m in a not-so-good space, I won’t do this a couple of times a week. It tends to be when I hit rock bottom. Or, when I’m in a really bad space. Then, I need to shift my focus to setting myself up for a win. It’s not the ideal habit, but I’m working on it.